Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Out of the Mouths of Babes

We can't quite figure out what Ansley is going to be when she grows up. She has the ability to question a person like I have never seen. Even as a itty bitty thing she was talking and asking a million questions. She once talked for 3 solid hours on a road trip. Should I mention that she was barely two at the time?

She also loves to ask questions. Her favorite question is, "what is his/her name?" When you answer, she wants their middle and last name. She gets very annoyed at me when I don't know the name of the guy in the car beside us. There was a time that I would make up names for people. She caught on! Why does she have to be so smart??

She will also ask you the same question in a different way in order to catch you in lie. Like I said, she is smart.

She is very in touch with her feelings and the feelings of others.

Lately she has been talking a lot about Parker. She wants to spell his name (his full name). She tells me almost every day that she misses him. I think she feels how emotional I become when she talks about him. She almost always speaks about him like he is sleeping right there in the room.

I tell you all of this so you will understand what happened today.

Today, we had both of the boys. Ansley was the first one up from nap and was super excited about our afternoon activity. She finally asked to go wake up the others. We woke up Charlotte first.

Charlotte was in a great mood (which has not been the case these last few days). Ansley, Charlotte, E and I were laying in the bed playing. I was doing "super baby" with Little E. He was high above my head when I heard the following: "Mommy, when you get to Heaven you can do that with Parker!! Won't that be wonderful and fun? That will make you very happy!"

Love that sweet love that she has for her brother. The brother she never knew, yet she speaks like they have been friends forever. I love that she knows. I couldn't imagine loving her any more than I already do, but I love her more every day!!

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Psalm 10

At church, I help out in a 9th grade girls' Sunday School class. This class is fun and challenging. I don't really teach a lot, but I do help the teacher out when she needs me. This week, she needed me!

I was so excited about teaching the class. We usually have a lot of good discussions and I think it is great for the girls to hear someone different. When she asked me to teach I immediately said, "Yes!"

I probably should have looked at the lesson first. Yeah, that would have been smart. If I would have read the lesson, I would have told her NO. But, silly me!

This past week was really busy, so I did not even look at the lesson until teacher's prep on Wednesday night. **Note to self, always read the lesson before Wednesday.** That is the first time I discovered the topic.

I was supposed to teach on Psalm 10. Have you read Psalm 10?

Basically, the author is asking God "Where are you? Why are you hiding?"

I sat in the meeting and listened. I took notes. I was screaming on the inside. "You have got to be joking!! I have got to teach on God's perfect timing?" I left crying. I lost my shoe trying to get out of there.

In our heads we all know that there is a time and a place for everything. God has His perfect will. My heart even tells me that is true. But waiting is a very difficult truth to grasp. At least it is for me right now!

This has been an extremely difficult week. I spent most of the week praying for something and the answer has been clearly "NOT NOW, KENAN!" We had an open house today and it rained! Another, NOT NOW moment. I have cried and prayed. I am surely living the Psalm 10 passage.

Do you know what is great about this passage? Our God is the King of Kings! He is Holy and Just!

Every week we try to send the girls home with a challenge. This week the challenge is to pray back what we believe about God. This practice is so we may remember how wonderful and merciful God is. This challenge is for me!

God is patient with me even when I am not patient with Him!

Monday, April 9, 2012

Spring Update!

What an absolutely beautiful time of year!! I love the spring. Winter is so blah! Everything is gray and brown. But just look around now!! Everything is green and growing. I think God must give us winter so we can truly  appreciate the beauty of spring!

I imagine spring at our house looks like spring in most houses. We plant a lot of flowers and a number of vegetables. The grass is growing extremely fast (thanks to my "yard man" and a lot of fertilizer). Cole and I have a pretty good deal. He does all the grass stuff and I do all the flower stuff. This time of year is really busy for me, but he is out in the hot summer sun. So I guess we are even! :)

The house is still on the market, but it is showing rather nicely. The feedback we have received is all a matter of taste. For example: "the yard is to small". Well, there is nothing I can do about that. I truly believe that God is telling our family that it isn't about us, but about Him.

We continue to ride through the country looking at houses and land. Dreaming and making plans like we will be forever young. I assume we will always look at ourselves like young people. Even though my oldest loves to remind me that "this year I turn five and that makes you sad".

When Cole and I married, we told everyone that we would have babies until we turned 30, but we wanted to be done by then. Wow, how things have changed! We now understand how fragile life is. We also have a new appreciation for the plan of God. It was music to my ears when just yesterday I heard my sweet husband say that he wanted more kids. Not just one more, but more. And when questioned about more girls, he simply replied "It doesn't matter to me, just more!" He sure know how to make my heart smile.

So we have been keeping on keeping on. Trying to raise our babies to love the Lord and grow them and ourselves in every way. We are truly grateful for some amazing friends and family. There are have many moments of tears and questions, but we have some amazing friends who have held our hands and wiped our tears. We are now learning to smile through heartache, because Jesus lives and Jesus loves!