G...goldfish live forever (well not all of them)

Have you ever bought something that you immediately regretted?

Yeah, that happened to us Christmas of 2012.

We thought it would be great to get the girls a goldfish! But we knew that we couldn't just get one fish! We had to get one for each of them. So we got them. They were Christmas presents and the girls LOVED them!!!

Sissy Bell came up with the creative name of Goldie and Sassy Sue decided her fish would be Sushi. (How funny is it that our not quite 3 year old came up with the new Sushi??)

Things were going great at first! The fish seemed to be doing well and the girls loved to watch them. The cats were even leaving them alone!

The same day the girls got the fish, we told the girls that mommy would be having a baby! We were all so excited!

But then the other shoe dropped! I found out January 10, 2012 that the baby was in the arms of Jesus! We all mourned the loss of our little one, especially Sissy Bell! It was just a few days later that we found Goldie belly up!!

You have got to be kidding! What a terrible way to start the year! I now had developed a new dislike for goldfish! How was I supposed to tell my child that something else had died? We cried for the goldfish. I cried for Sissy Bell! And she doubted God.

It was so sad to hear her question God's love for her. She was so looking forward to meeting her brother. She had so wanted a fish! And now, they were both gone. She was completely honest and upfront about the way she was feeling. She was extremely angry! And I was right there with her. Why did this have to happen? Why us?

And then like a ton of bricks, the question hit me. "Why not us?"

Who am I to doubt God? Who am I to question His perfect will? Do I like it? NO! But if anyone knows the pain I am feeling, it is God? He knows better than anyone the pain of losing a child. He knows the pain of reject and lies and deceit. He knows!! He knows!!

This happened well over a year ago! And boy does time heal!

Am I still saddened by the loss of that precious child? Oh yes!!!! Do I look at other children who were due near him and imagine my little guy? Sure!! But I rejoice in their life. And when I hold our sweet boy in my arms, I am truly grateful for three souls that God has trusted me with. And I long for the day when I get to see that precious face and hold that sweet one in my arms.

With love,

Kenan

**PS: Sushi is still going strong! He lives on a diet of peas! Did you know that you don't have to feed them fish food? Crazy, huh?**

F...fixing thing

These past few weeks have been crazy! But crazy in a good way! We were finally able to sneak away for a few days of vacation. Well, not really vacation, Daddy-o was at a conference. So the kiddos and I were able to play by the pool for a few days. It was a much needed break from the norm.

In our world, the summer is crazy. Daddy-o is busier during this time of year than any other. So that means working long days and lunches. It also means 6:00 am phone calls and an extremely tired daddy-o. Mix that with a baby who is still not sleeping through the night (don't worry the doctor said he will get it in a month or so!! seriously?) and we have crazy!!

It took getting away for a few days to realize the amount of time I waste each day. Now don't get me wrong, I love my kids!! But sometimes I get stir crazy! Really stir crazy! And as busy as daddy-o has been, getting away at night just has not been an option! So I have caught myself getting away in my mind!

Now I am not talking about day dreaming! I am talking about living in a world of Pinterest, Facebook, and Instagram! Looking for fun things to do with the kids, dreaming about what it must be like taking a vacation like so-in-so, and picking apart the comments of others.

Let me just tell you, this is NOT a healthy place to live. There is no room for Jesus in a life of social media! There is also no room for family in a life of social media. There comes a point when social media goes from a fun thing to a god! If social media is my god, I have no room for THE God!

So things have to change!! Big time!!

What does that mean? I still don't know exactly! But we are starting a new day tomorrow! In the morning there will be no sleeping in! Even if The Boy decides to wake up 3 times tonight, I will get up at 6:45 am! I will use that time to drink a cup of coffee and read The Word. I want my kids to see their momma in The Word and not on the phone. I want them to remember me as a woman of faith. Not a woman who is unhappy with what she has and who she is.

This means we will cut out TV time for the girls. I predict that this might be a problem. But I hope it can be replaced by a morning walk or bike ride before we start school. I also, think that this means we will finish school much earlier in the day. Finishing school earlier means more swimming/playing and more time with the kids. It also means I can get supper cooked and the flower beds tended to. It also means time to love on others.

I want to teach my children that it is more important to love on others than it is to have fun. Now don't get me wrong. I want them to have fun! But is there a better feeling than the feeling you get by helping someone?

So...what is going on in my life right now?? A lot of fixing! What does that mean? I pray that means mending relationships and building new ones!!

With love,

Kenan