Have you ever bought something that you immediately regretted?
Yeah, that happened to us Christmas of 2012.
We thought it would be great to get the girls a goldfish! But we knew that we couldn't just get one fish! We had to get one for each of them. So we got them. They were Christmas presents and the girls LOVED them!!!
Things were going great at first! The fish seemed to be doing well and the girls loved to watch them. The cats were even leaving them alone!
The same day the girls got the fish, we told the girls that mommy would be having a baby! We were all so excited!
But then the other shoe dropped! I found out January 10, 2012 that the baby was in the arms of Jesus! We all mourned the loss of our little one, especially Sissy Bell! It was just a few days later that we found Goldie belly up!!
You have got to be kidding! What a terrible way to start the year! I now had developed a new dislike for goldfish! How was I supposed to tell my child that something else had died? We cried for the goldfish. I cried for Sissy Bell! And she doubted God.
It was so sad to hear her question God's love for her. She was so looking forward to meeting her brother. She had so wanted a fish! And now, they were both gone. She was completely honest and upfront about the way she was feeling. She was extremely angry! And I was right there with her. Why did this have to happen? Why us?
And then like a ton of bricks, the question hit me. "Why not us?"
Who am I to doubt God? Who am I to question His perfect will? Do I like it? NO! But if anyone knows the pain I am feeling, it is God? He knows better than anyone the pain of losing a child. He knows the pain of reject and lies and deceit. He knows!! He knows!!
This happened well over a year ago! And boy does time heal!
Am I still saddened by the loss of that precious child? Oh yes!!!! Do I look at other children who were due near him and imagine my little guy? Sure!! But I rejoice in their life. And when I hold our sweet boy in my arms, I am truly grateful for three souls that God has trusted me with. And I long for the day when I get to see that precious face and hold that sweet one in my arms.
**PS: Sushi is still going strong! He lives on a diet of peas! Did you know that you don't have to feed them fish food? Crazy, huh?**